For those of you who follow my blog on a regular basis, you all know that I am a multi-genre fiction writer. Fantasy and magical realism are the two forms dearest to my heart, and I write in that genre most often.
Yet, the whole idea behind my author spotlight was to introduce my readers to independent authors and their writings. The best way to do that is to get them to write out of their comfort zone – genre.
So, today I’ve written what I hope to be a humorous piece for your Halloween enjoyment. Humor writing is something I don’t often do. It felt good to stretch my wings. Thank you for reading. ❤
I couldn’t believe it! I stood in the middle of the laundry room with my hands on my hips surveying the damage. Every square inch of the floor was covered with clothes. The piles I had neatly sorted yesterday, had today, morphed and grown into gargantuan mounds of washing. How could my kids create this much dirty laundry?
I muttered under my breath as I stomped around the room grabbing dirty socks, wet towels, and enough pairs of jeans for a small army. “Damn, kids! Why am I the only one that can do the laundry in this house?” I raised my hand mumbling a curse to the heavens in the best Gone With the Wind Scarlet O’Hara imitation I could muster.
Our recent move to the suburbs had brought me closer to nature which as a practitioner of the pagan arts fetched me untold hours of joy concocting potions and amulets for my family and my local coven, The Sisters of the Fey. My grimoire had doubled in size, thanks to all the new ingredients I found on my jaunts in the woods.
Of course, my housework had suffered because I spent all of my time doing the things I loved. Why not? I owed it to myself to do the things that made me happy. Right?
The kids had promised to pitch in and help, but there was always something else going on. Like today. It was Halloween and my favorite holiday of the year.
I had cleaned the house from top to bottom, and all the decorations were hung. Our front yard resembled a cemetery and spider webs covered the porch. Buckets of goodies were filled for the trick-or-treaters waiting for their arrival. Even my kid’s costumes were finished. The laundry was the only thing waiting for my attention. I had left my most dreaded task for last.
I smiled with satisfaction. This year, I had whipped up some special treats for the kiddies, young and old. My husband had invited a group of his buddies over to watch the football game on television while I handed out the tricks, I mean the treats.
The men were going to love my ginger beer. It promised to make them subservient to their wives for one whole night. It was my award winning potion and desired by my sisters for the unique properties it contained. The guys would never know what hit them.
Disgusted with the chore before me, I grabbed a stack of towels and loaded the washer first. I threw the wet stuff from the washer into the dryer. This mess would take a couple of hours to get finished, and I didn’t have time to dawdle. I scrutinized the clothes spinning in the washer until I made myself dizzy. That was it, I had enough.
A lightbulb went off in my brain like a lightning bolt striking the ground. I smelled hair burning and knew I was onto something. I would cast a spell and get the laundry done as quickly as you could say dead bodies walk in the graveyards at night!
I didn’t use my gifts often because I had promised my husband long ago I would be good and not bend the fabric of time and space with my crazy spells. Don’t get me wrong, I could whip up a mean potion, but spellwork… well, let’s just say that wasn’t my forte.
One time, I had conjured up a herd of elephants for my son’s birthday party when I had forgotten to buy his favorite peanut snack. Thank goodness it all worked out since he had requested a safari theme. Later that day, the local zoo arrived to pick up the wayward pachyderms never figuring out how they had escaped. It had been a close call.
The buzzer on the dryer went off, jolting me out of my reverie. I knew time was running out. I hurried into the kitchen and rifled through the cabinet where I stored my grimoire. The book sensed I was looking for it and instantly flew into my hands. I flipped open the text and searched for the exact spell that would take care of my laundry woes.
Halfway through the book, I found the perfect incantation and began to speak with my eyes closed:
Fey spirits arise –
your sister needs your favor,
grant me this action.
Wash, dry, and fold the laundry
for me this holiday night!
My home shook for a moment as stardust and blue light commingled in the most dazzling display of an energy burst I had ever conjured. The house settled, and dust particles floated in the air around me.
No way was I dusting this house again. I pointed my finger and said, “Dust be gone!” And, to my delight, the dust vanished. I was so happy, I gave myself a pat on the back.
I glanced over my shoulder and observed the washing machine and dryer shuffling off into overdrive. Articles of clothing flew through the air as suds spilled and then vanished into thin air. The dryer door flew open, and a blast of hot air smacked me in the face. A dancing line of jeans, towels, socks, and other unmentionables made their way down the hall and into the appropriate rooms.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. My spell had worked! I dodged the assembly line of clean clothes and danced a little jig. With no time to spare, I ran into my bedroom and jumped into the shower. I had less than an hour to make myself beauteous and ready for the haunting good time to follow.
When I had sufficiently gussied myself up in my favorite black dress and makeup, I grabbed the black hat from the closet and placed it on my head. I wore the same thing each Halloween. It was the only time of the year I could look and be myself, and I loved it.
I opened my bedroom door a crack and peeked down the hall. A line of clothes patiently floated into my bedroom and found their way into my closet and dresser. I had to smile. I had really done it this time.
I hurried down the stairs toward the kitchen. The kids were home, and my husband was in the kitchen helping our youngest on with his costume. This year he dressed up as Thor. Our two daughters spun around the room, decked out like teenage fairy princesses. The chatter of happy voices filled the room.
“Thanks, honey for setting out all the snacks for the game,” my husband said. He bent over and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. “I see you made my favorite – ginger beer.”
I couldn’t help it, but I smirked. “It’s a great batch. You guys are going to love it.” The grin on my husband’s face said it all. He had no idea how much I was going to enjoy the rest of the evening after he had guzzled his fill.
I grabbed the kids’ trick-or-treat bags and put the finishing touches on their costumes. Excited for the fun to begin, the kids scampered toward the front door. I turned the knob and opened the door, pausing to impart some last minute advice. “Tabitha make sure and walk with your brother this year. Amy, remember to stay with your sister and brother. Billy, please say thank you for the treats.”
“Mom, you’re embarrassing us. We know how to trick-or-treat.” Tabitha rolled her eyes and gazed at me with a look of pure disgust. A group of her friends stood on the porch looking at me with their mouths hanging open.
I don’t know if it was the sudden gust of wind from the opening of the front door or if I had screwed up the spell, but a chorus line of my husband’s underwear boogied out the door. Those were the most spectral tidy-whities I had ever seen. The kids screamed and ran from the porch.
I stood there, my feet planted in place. I felt a grin explode on my face. My front yard was filled with floating white men’s brief underwear. My husband met my eyes. With a raised eyebrow he shook his head. “You did it again, didn’t you?”
Laughter bubbled up and erupted. I nodded my head. I had no idea how I was going to fix my bungled spell. Aw, heck!
©2017 Colleen M. Chesebro
Check out my debut novel, The Heart Stone Chronicles: The Swamp Fairy
for stopping by! Happy Halloween! ❤ Hey, are you interested in appearing in my Author Spotlight – Guest Posts? I’m looking for themed posts about fairies, myths, and magic. If you are an enthusiastic author and would like to be featured on my blog, please click HERE to find out more.” ~Colleen~