My Daughter–My Friend

 

Tabitha last summer

It seems only a few years ago,

A tiny delicate lass –

Burst into my life with a wail and a scream.

Hello beautiful.

Long in limb and tall in stature,

All blond hair and curls tumbling down.

Emerald eyes – a gazelle, a graceful beauty –

Independent even then.

Mothers and daughters share a love

Even when they disagree.

The greatest accolade to be found

Is when a mother and a daughter

Become friends –

Accepting and accommodating,

Sharing thoughts and visions,

All pretense aside.

Tabitha, my daughter – my friend.

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What a Week!

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It has been one of those weeks!  I am emotionally spent, worn out and ready to move on.  One thing I have noticed as I grow older is that all this upheaval is hard to recuperate from.  I know everyone has these days (weeks) where their best laid intentions tank and go right down the drain.  I try not to have many of them, but when I do – WHEW!  Anyway, I am usually struck dumb for about a day and then I can pick up and move forward again.

The first crisis this week was that my three grandchildren who where living here in Pensacola, Florida decided they wanted to stay in Texas with their father, instead of their mother, our daughter.  They have been visiting their Dad for the summer.  They are old enough to make these decisions on their own now, so one must honor their wishes.  I will miss all  three of them.  We always lived far apart before so this was a rare treat to have them so close.  It is all about what is best for the children in the end.  They grew up in Texas so I completely understand their desire to remain there.

As a result, our daughter will move back home and regroup her life for awhile.  There is nothing wrong with that decision, and I look forward to the time we will spend together.  I am just glad that we can be there to help her.  Everyone needs a leg up sometimes.  Divorce is hard no matter who goes through it.

We also heard from our oldest daughter and other two grandchildren this week.  She just returned from a tour in Okinawa and went back to Hill AFB, in Utah.  She works for the Air Force as a civilian employee and had the privilege of living on Okinawa for about a year and a half.  Her Thai mother has been living with her due to ill health.  This was the next upset – the Thai mother has gallbladder cancer.  She has excellent care so we must wait and see what happens next.  More hard times are ahead for the two oldest daughters who must cope with the issues of their aging mother.  I just ache for them.

Yesterday, the crew came and yanked out all the overgrown bushes in our front yard.  This included the two River Birch that had web worms infesting them.  I have worked for two days now, moving rocks and plants.  Tomorrow I will buy a few new bushes (something small and not 8 of them in one flower bed) and get them set so they have time to root before the colder temperatures creep in by November.  The contractor to put sprinklers in our yard will come and give us a bid this weekend.  He will be able to plant the two crepe myrtle trees and the two Japanese maples I want out front.  That will be a relief.

Our third oldest daughter (my eldest daughter) has her 36th birthday today.  I looked back and remembered the day she was born.  She is a beautiful and wise woman now.  I am proud to be her mother.  It seems like just yesterday she was born…

That was my week… highs, lows, ups, and downs.  It is what it is.  I simply pick up and move forward.  I think I will indulge in a couple glasses of wine this evening!  After all, I think I earned it.

Thanks for listening,

~Colleen~

Imperfect… I think not!

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The word “imperfect” contains all the letters to say to yourself:  “I’m perfect!”  So why do we all seem to judge ourselves so harshly?  I am especially hard on myself and have held myself back numerous times when I should have forged ahead and excelled.  Part of it is my personality.  I tend to hang back, check out what is going on, then venture into the fray.   Sooner or later I get my confidence up and off I go!  Then look out because there is no stopping me!

My friend asked me the other day why I was not dying my hair anymore.  I let my hair grow out and it is now gray with silver streaks in it.  I answered without even thinking… “Because this is who I am now, and I am comfortable with that.”  My friend just stared at me and said, “Wow, aren’t you afraid of looking old?”  I left the conversation as it was and walked away.  I like the way I look.  I look like me, so why am I letting her comment get to me?  I m p e r f e c t… thoughts again…  

NO I got this!  I’m perfect!

 

 

(Image from Pinterest on July 23, 2014)

 

 

No Mud–No Lotus

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Have you ever wondered about the pain that you have endured in your life?  Why do some people suffer more than others?  Many people stumble blindly through their life without a glance at anyone else’s pain or sorrow.  They are self consumed and blinded with only their own pain.  Other people seem to feed off of the pain of others almost like it makes them feel fulfilled, important, or more significant than the one who is actually experiencing the pain.  Some persons are so frozen by their pain that they are immobilized and unable to feel anything at all.  They just seem to exist – zombies filled with pain roaming the landscape of our world.

I have come to realize that pain is a necessary part of life.  How will you ever know what is good or right in our world if we do not have some painful experiences to remind us of the differences.  Life is a paradox of good and evil.  Just like Ying and Yang, you cannot have one without the other.  This is not to simplify the pain that any one person feels, instead it is to remind us that just like love, pain is a universal gift.

Pain allows us to be human.  It teaches us lessons about life that we would not have learned without feeling some kind of deep pathos from the whole experience.  Pain allows us the chance to screw up and start over again.  This ache becomes the clarity within our souls that feeds each breath we take.  Through pain we become stronger.

The lotus is not present where there is no mud.  Be glad for your anguish because it has allowed you to blossom into the beautiful person you are… right now, reading this…

 

(Image from the Buddha Groove Facebook page on 7/21/14)

Full MOON Madness continued…

 

Here is another illustration of the influences the moon has upon us.  This website actually gives a horoscope reading of each sign and tells how the moon impacts your daily life…

Full Moon Astrology from Magical Recipes Online at http://www.magicalrecipesonline.com/2014/07/planet-vibes-holly-full-moon-july-12.html

july moon

My Journey

(Written to participate in The Daily Post: Daily Prompt – Frame of Mind: If you could paint your current mood onto a canvas, what would that painting look like?

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(7/9/14 Image from Pineal Paradise at http://www.pinealparadise.com/product/enlightenment-tank-top)

My journey now begins –

Enlightenment I seek,

Peace is my retreat.

Silver Thoughts…

Random thoughts filter through the darkness of my mind

like flickers from an old fashioned black and white movie,

they sputter, flash and shimmer, and suddenly they are gone.

I have noticed that as I continue to age my thought processes have slowed down.  I still have great passionate thoughts, and still write with immense feeling, but all the while I know something has changed.  My thoughts seem to have cooled in their intensity.  The fiery ardor I had for everything in life when I was young; I now experience with a more practiced eye.  Instead of a raging fire out of control, there is now a manageable bonfire that burns within a prescribed burn.

I no longer act irrationally before I think.  I write lists and follow them, making changes along the way to expand my thoughts progression.  I think about everything.  I ponder life and wonder what more can I learn, experience, feel?  I want more of everything, material things not included.  Less is somehow the new “more” for me. I have discovered what I wanted most.  My gift is writing ~

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7/5/2014 Image from http://eandt.theiet.org/magazine/2012/08/the-final-reel.cfm

Good For You Chocolate Muffins

It is quite the rainy day here in Pensacola, Florida, so I decided since there is no gardening to be done today, I would make up a batch of my Good for you Chocolate Muffins.

I love to find recipes and try to figure out ways to save on the calorie count to fit into my healthy lifestyle.  In fact I do not even follow a recipe anymore without changing out the oil, or the sugar, or the spices.  When I was in Weight Watchers I came across a recipe that used canned pumpkin and water ONLY in sugar free cake mixes.  I tried it and now even my husband loves these muffins!

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Empty the cake mix, the canned pumpkin (do not use pumpkin pie filling – check the calorie content of what you are buying) and the water into your mixing bowl.  I started with one cup of water and then added the additional one-forth cup the cake mix instructions suggested.  Mix for two minutes and spoon the mixture into your cupcake tins.

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The mixture is thick, almost like a pudding.  Bake at 325 degrees for about 18 minutes, or however long it takes for your oven to bake the muffins.

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When the muffins are done they will “fall” a bit because there are no eggs in the recipe.  I let them cool and then I place the muffins in a freezer bag and freeze them!  That is the secret.

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I worked out the Weight Watchers Points Plus points value and it comes out to 2 points per muffin.  If you are a follower of Hungry Girl at http://www.hungry-girl.com/ you will find a wide array of similar desserts.

The idea is to experiment and try different things.  The yellow cake sugar free cake mix gives you a more pumpkin flavored muffin which is wonderful in the fall and winter. I love using zucchini in this same sugar free cake mix.

The fun part is if you have children or grandchildren who don’t like to eat their vegetables, this is one way you can sneak in some natural goodness.  I have frosted these and my grandchildren did not even know!  I love being a savvy Nana.  Enjoy!